Pack your bags

This weekend I packed up and moved into my own apartment. I am a total mixed bag of emotions about it. One year ago I moved into a room after my boyfriend and I split. It came out of nowhere. One day it was just all over. We were living together, I was happy as a clam and blissfully unaware of how bad our relationship had gotten. You know that feeling you get when you fall so hard that all of the wind shoots out of your lungs? I learned that day that you can experience that feeling without any exertion of force. Just a few simple words and whoosh. No air. Hindsight really is 20/20. Deep down I knew he didn't love me. I ignored the cheating. But I thought I could make it better. If I was better than he would be happy. I made excuses for him, started avoiding my friends so I wouldn't have to deal with their distaste from him, blamed myself for everything that was wrong, and I started to become this negative person that even I didn't like. The truth is some people just aren't meant to be together. Also, there are all kinds of people in this world. It takes all kinds right?

The way I look at it is that I am a product of my mistakes. If I hadn't been in that bad relationship I wouldn't have learned so much about myself. From that I packed baggage full of heartache, self doubt and uncertainty. That's the beauty of baggage. You pile it up all together and you slowly work through it. Fort Mcmurray is a scary place to start over again on your own. Everything is so much more expensive here from rent to basic amenities. But there are plenty of single people thriving in this town. I only had my self to look after. I have nothing but admiration for the single parents making it on their own in this town.  Childcare alone can be as much as rent every month. I thought about leaving. I work in an industry that I can work in other areas but in the past 5 years I've really put down roots in Mcmurray.
                                             
So on top of all of my personal belongings I dragged all of my emotional baggage around with me for the past year. You really have no idea how strong you can be until strong is the only choice you have. I reconnected with those friends, made new friendships and traveled when I could. It was a real struggle. Slowly but surely I started unpacking that emotional baggage and learning about myself in the process. I started making positive changes in myself. I found a new job with more growth potential. A new challenge I could really sink my teeth into. I started dating again but this time I was more confident and outgoing. I know now what I don't want in a relationship. I've learned that I need to get to know someone a lot better before I commit. I know how I should be treated. I feel confident in what I deserve and I won't be with someone that is negative or likes to put me down. Dragging around those heavy bags have made me a better and stronger person. Have they completely vanished? No way. I will keeps little carry-ons of the lessons I have learned to hopefully keep myself from making the same mistake twice.
                                                        
Everyone has some sort of emotional baggage. Even those lucky people who find their soul mates on the playground and appear to live the fairy tale  I'm sure not everyone's life is sunshine and rainbows. Everyone experiences pain in one form or another and its what you learn from it that defines who you are.Try to look at your baggage as stepping stones, or battle scars or whatever makes you feel the best about yourself. Never judge someone by what they have been though. You never know what goes on behind closed doors. I feel that once I am happy and accepting of myself, someone will come along that will be accepting of my past and "baggage" and possibly have a little of their own. Lucky for them I know a thing of two about unpacking.